jus another day...

another day passed...its de same...jus like normal weekdays when he's back in camp...but everything is different now...i m still trying...

Anw went out to meet diana and kaiwen for movie at the cathay...Fast & Furious 4!!! didt watch the first few but i find this very exciting and nice..worth watching...thou i kw i wasnt happy at all...there are many more movies i wanna watch...n for watever reason, i dun wan to stay at home...i dont wan to have nth to do...i have to be busy...to stop my thoughts from running wild, to stop my heart from beating so hard n to stop myself from falling deeper...

it has ended..i kept telling myself...i m still trying...worst when she called n cried w mi...i dun wan it..i cried my eyes out tat night...trying to find reasons to contact him..move on yanmei...i m trying...
someone told mi, i dont have to say goodbye coz i wont be able to say goodbye for he's someone i once loved so deeply...n its ok...for i had alrdy been great all this while...n rmb tat there r more beautiful things ahead waiting for mi...

so long since i am at home at this time on a sunday afternoon..its sunday!! i dun even believe it, not to say i m use to it..i m trying...dunno to be happy or sad thou...went for my new baby cousin full-month buffet this morning...so many new baby cousins suddenly..and their english names are super difficult to rmb...my cousin told mi, she wont need to ans qns in class in future coz even the teacher wont kw how to pronounce it...anw didt manage to take photos of the baby coz she didt even open her eyes at all when i m there...but she's a cute pretty little gal...

i hate sleepless night n tears...it jus dun feel good to be tired and no matt how hard u try u jus cant fall aslp, worst-crying...its reli horrible...haven been eating much as well...nth seem to taste nice to mi and i feel very uncomfortable after eating...i wonder if i had food poisoning coz i vomit out almost everything tat i hav eaten..but they told mi its my "heart" problem...
something came to mi last night when i tt of the both of us...this 2 yrs plus of relationship feels like a dream that i woven myself...i tt as long as we love each other, everything i did is worthwhile...is it? everything, everywhere and anything reminds mi of him...i did wonder, isit i did a bad job as a gf or he jus didt able to commit himself in our relationship...if he reli love mi? or he did jus for de sake of doing it? to him, isit frenz r forever n gf r watever? many many qns and many many things i feel like explaining to him...but no one can clear all my doubts and there's jus nth i can do...jia you le, yanmei...walk out of this n believe there's better tml...somehow i will be able to get thru rite? anw thanks alot of being there, my frenz...

i m falling...deeply in pain...

its hard...jus one night, n the no. of times i hold onto my phone n de thoughts of msging him appeared...i kw i cant anymore...its not de same anymore...still cant slp well last night, woke up onli to find myself in tears...i m sad, i m not strong afterall...

17 Oct 06...

Its over...

the end of our 2 & a half yrs relationship...

i m letting it go finally...thou i dun even kw if i reli can...i m still loving him deeply...but i didt kw i wasnt a good gf...since dunno when, i hav been stressing him..thou everytime i did my best to b there for him...i wanna support him thru out his commando's life, n i did...jus supported him thru-out his final outfield in taiwan..nxt wk, will b his ord parade...its sad & heartbreaking tat nw i cant attend his ord...coz i m so proud of him...he did it! n i m sure he did a very good job...all the outfields, training and road march, he completed all! there r many more things tat i haven got a chance to tell him...so many things tat i will never get the chance to say it to him anymore...yet i hope deep inside him, he knew wat i m going to say...we r going our own ways, but i will still support him whenever he needs it.. this 2 & a half yrs was wonderful...we visited almost all de attractions in singapore and even went to genting [i tt we will be able to travel again..but..=( ]...we had fun, laughter, joy as well as some silly moments too..n of coz we do hav sad and angry times...silly mi, to always tt tat it will b fine as long as we hav each other...till todae tat i realise, it onli make things worst...it reli tear mi into pieces when i learnt the truth...but i m grateful tat he let mi kw all this...i dunno if i reli did a bad job as a gf...i did try my very best and had put in all my effort...i guess tat y i cant seem to let go...now tat we r friends, i hope he feels happier..at least free-er from mi...nobody will let go to the one u love deeply...yet i hav to, coz i lost the key to his heart...tats de most hurtful part ba...u love someone so deeply yet u cant do tat anymore...

17 oct...a day tat i will rmb forever...i'll keep these beautiful memories tat u hav given mi, deep inside my heart...thanks alot for everything...i hope u did truely feels my love to u..for i reli did all my best...

worst words tat i ever wanna hear...
i feels terrible...
for all i did all this while...
a "lazy" covered it all?
wat m i?

i am not tat strong afterall...

Batam Oie!!!

In the morning on 5th of april, 11 of the yr 3s went to Batam!! haha and i guess everyone is just so excited abt it...coz we give ourselves a Batam call, a group cheer and even a Batam song!! We did video down all our silly acts and i jus cant stop laughing when i m watching the "Green Bottle" video..alright, i shall not promote it...

Oh, and the 11 of us were Mi, Huisan, Jane, Dionna, Joycelyn, Huisi, Daphne, Benjamin, Kelvin, Weien and Wilson!! the womderful batch of frenz to travel!!

First day when we just reached the hotel, we were quite lost..we dunno de way ard and we dunno wat can we do...but lucky we pick things up fast..After we check in our rooms, we booked a van and went to the Nagoya Hill...Had our lunch at A&W!!! i miss A&W!! our childhood food!! heez den did some shopping b4 we headed to another shopping centre at Batam Center...Tats where i realise our guys are better shopper den the gals!! haha they r so happy-buying!! Had a free 1 hr singing session b4 all of us go to lala land...

Second day was the fun-filled one...We had a complimentary buffet breakfast at the resort b4 some of them cab down to the nearest bank to exchange their notes...The rest of us- we slack in the hotel room awhile b4 we decided to go for a swim...When the rest r back, we went to the beach..Actually wanna canoe or kayak but it was low tide...Lucky for us, after a awhile the uncle told us that we can go out for snorkeling!! Wow!! Look at the photos for the actual feeling...what i can say is FUN but abit tiring!!! And guess wat, mi and joycelyn even had a feel on jet ski!! can u imagine our legs become jelly-like after the ride...hehez After washing up, we went for a massage b4 we had our dinner at Golden Prawn..We had mainly seafoods and its just simply enjoyable!! Photos photos photos...they will speak a thousand words...heez anyway must credit to huisan for all the photos..she did alot of photo-taking during our water activities...Must credit to everyone also...everyone plays a part to make the trip so FUN!!

On the last day, we went to find the uncle in the morning for the shells that he promised us..he was reli wonderful!! he gave each of us a shell (i dun rmb what is it called alrdy, but i think its call gong-gong)...anyway after that, all of us were cup-noodle-ing and snacking b4 we check out..Had a great time taking pictures b4 the bus came to fetch us to the ferry terminal...and yupz..home sweet home!!

It was indeed a wonderful time spend w my cscc peers...I m sure that i will miss those days..and i will rmb our 约定 to travel again in 2 yrs time by plane!! thanks alot my wonderful frenz!!!

I m Back!!!

Hello!!

I m back!!

From all my holidays...but it will take mi sometime to update on the batam trip as well as de melbourne trip...Took lots of photos for both trip and i believe de rest have alrdy talk abt it..especially the "green bottle" song!! oh my..i cant believe we did that...Wait for my update..soon...=D

Anyway came across a conversation between a man and a woman on Tv today which i tt its meaningful...i dont rmb the actual words but it should be something like that:

Man: Woman must be very confidence in herself to think that she can change a man by marrying him..

Woman: Actually NO..A woman try to change her man only bcoz she love him so much..Bcoz to change a person it requires alot of effort and no one will waste their effort on someone unless she love him..

Man: Yupz..maybe is not that woman are confidence of themselves but just the man are always heartless...

A few hours to Holidays!!!

Yupz, first thing i am going to do on sunday morning is to travel to tanah merah ferry terminal for a boat ride to Batam!!! This batam trip should consider as our yr 3 graduation trip...We will be going to Batam for 3D2N...haha So excited!! =D

Den straight after the 3D2N, i will be flying to Melbourne with my cousins to visit my aunt + to enjoy ourselves!!

~~Therefore, if there is any things that you need to look for me, you can drop me a msg...i will reply if its urgent or get back to you guys when i m back on 18th April...

Also, bcoz of my holidays plan, i wun be able to attend the Weekend activities...hence, Good luck & all the best to the OCs as well as GLs...As for the gathering on 18th, i will dropby if i still have the energy!! haha cheerz...

^^Everyone enjoy the last bit of holiday b4 some start school-ing, working, etc...

Let me also update abit on the past few days...Met up with Seowhui as she acc mi to source ard for the best rate to exchange, angela joined us after her work and we had our dinner tgt!! haha den we went prawning!! that was amazing- thurs was a ladies night so 1 for 1 kind of thingy...we suppose onli to prawn for an hour (which is wat we paid), but the guy there allow us to continue prawning for FREE!!! heez the rest of the story, i shall leave it for angela & seowhui to say..haha On Fri, met up with them again to have lunch at SSC...We ate Astons and i still love it!! heez but something reli make mi upset!! A security guard came over and scolded us for being too old when we play at the new water splash area in SSC...Sad rite...y cant an adult play too?? Thou i kw alot of the teenages if allowed will end up spoilting here & there...At night, all my relatives gathered at Lim Chu Kang for tomb-sweeping...but the onli one i recognised is my great grandmother..for todae, we went to mandai to bai ji my grandmother and grandfather...

Alrights, thats all i have...CYA guys when i am back!!

I am going Happy Holiday-ing!!! =D

Back from CSCC FO 09/10

I am back from FOC 09/10!!! Good Job to the OCs, GPs, GLs & of coz the CAMPERs!!!

This FOC was reli a memorable one for me.. Its going to be the last FOC that i will be attending as a sp students, sleeping in sleeping bag, having stations and many many more to recall...Afterall, CSCC is the place tat bring fun, joy and laughter into my life in Sp...A lot of things to recall and a lot of things to miss...Especially those times spent with my batch of ppl and the seniors...too many thoughts to think and too many words to say...What i can say is all this tiny little things and memories will always stay w me and i am reli grateful tat i joined CS and allow it to pei me thru this 3 yrs of poly life...

Back to this yr...It's the first time in my life in cscc that i have so many stations and get to partner w alot of yr 1s & 2s...coz I start off as a camper for FOC 06/07, den i became a GL for FOC 07/08, den i was involved in Food for FOC 08/09...

Thru out the 7D6N camp, i was involve in station game-hands,legs n buttocks, Verus game- humans bowling, Night walk Classroom Station & Amazing race!! First time in this 3 yrs that i ever tried Night Walk Station!!! coz i never dare..but since its my last yr of FOC, i jus give it a try and i guess i enjoy it... =D

3 cheers to everyone!! After partnering w a few of the yr 1s and 2s, i can say that they reli improve alot and they are now more willing to learn and not wait for us to spoon-feed...

Jun Wei also created a new songs to entertain all the bored GPs during the camp...Its call "100 Green Bottles"!! LOL...a fun and waste time song!!

To the campers, yr1 & 2s : Do stay in contact and feel free to ask me for anything under the world!!

Fyi, my name for this FOC is call "Hoo-oo Ya-e-ya"...

**another unforgettable things we did during the last day of camp!! All the cscc ppl were ask to clean up the paint at the Sac Foyer...Everyone put in effort and I believe none of us did ever like tat de clean up their own house..haha

Then, after the clean up, a few of us went to la-teh...The yr 3s also use the time to discuss our batam trip!! Its this coming sunday!! Hooray!! so excited!! First time travelling w them...There are 11 of us going...And we gave ourselves a "Batam Cheer, Call and etc"...cant reli rmb le..haha

anyway anyone know where has the best rate to change "Sin to Rupiah" & "Sin to Aus dollar"???
And i need to get a job right after i am back from melbourne le...gonna spend so much and have to earn them back!! haha let me know if you have got job lobang worz...thanks =D